A Long Absense

I’ve been gone a while. I’ve put some things in my life in perspective. It’s been a long time coming.

A month ago Ben spent a week in the hospital. It was a very long, rough week. The month leading up to that hospital stay was in retrospect the second hardest month of his little life, second only to the month he spent in the NICU after he was born. Ben’s asthma was out of control. It had been so long since any of us, including the doctors, had seen him healthy that we didn’t really know how sick he was. That Monday morning I was up with him at 5 am and I knew when I got out of bed we were going to the hospital – it wasn’t a decision to be made, it just was. He hadn’t eaten in 24 hours and he still wouldn’t eat. He was wheezing so much that he couldn’t eat and breathe at the same time. We’d been to urgent care Saturday and they sent us home – take him to the ER if he goes 12 hours without a wet diaper. My husband, on instinct got up at 5 am too. To say that was a shock is an understatement. When he said to me "Jen we need to go to the hospital, don’t we." I was even more shocked. So we called the cardiologist because in addition to everything else his heart rate was very elevated. In the end we called 911 and I rode with Ben in the abulance while they gave him oxygen and Chris followed in the car. Somewhere in that flury of activity, my mother in law was called and she came to take care of Evey. At the hospital an emergency room doctor made a decision that I believe ultimately saved Ben’s life, or at the very least changed it for the better in a very dramatic way. She admitted him and told us and his cardiologist that he wasn’t leaving until he could breathe. Period. For a baby on 3 different asthma medications that weren’t working, this was a miracle. In the week that followed we did get his breathing under control – it turns out that his heart medication was agrivating his asthma and for the 3rd time in short little life he had RSV. Now he’s home and a different kid and I am a different mom.

Perspective…that week gave me perspective and so did the weeks between now and then. When Ben came home and was healthy my body crashed. I’d spent 11 months willing myself to be healthy on 4-6 hours a sleep a night. My body couldn’t take it any more. I have never been so sick in my life and I’m still not 100% yet. So where does the perspective come in – it comes from learning that I need to give myself a break. I can’t be all things to everyone at all times and still keep myself whole. So with that comes the realization that I am going to have to put my jewelry hobby on hold, indefinitely. I love it, but it’s not the creative outlet it used to be. Right now, it’s just more work.

I hope to keep up my blog but I am going to revamp it to be focused on my life instead of my jewelry. If there is anyone out there still reading it after my unexpected hiatus, thank you! 🙂

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