and so it begins

Today I got a call I dread. Every time my cell rings when I'm at school I hold my breath a little before I answer it. No one calls to just chat when I'm at school. If my cell rings it's an emergency. And today was no different.

12:35 I look at my phone. 1 missed call. Babysitter.

Crap.

I skip the voicemail and just call her back. Ben has a fever. Again. 102 this time, last week it was only 100. Crap.

I can't leave and thankfully Mom is home. (Thanks again, by the way.) Mom, pretty please can you go get my sick kid? Again.

Call the pediatricians office. Chat with the very nice appointment clerk that happens to know my voice and first name. (This is not a good thing, people, not a good thing.) Whew, a cancelation means they can get Ben in within the hour.

Oxygen level is 95. Not great. Not horrible. Thankfully it doesn't mean a trip to the hospital. We hang for a bit and I teach Ben all the names of the Star Wars characters that adorn the walls. After about 5 minutes he can easily identify Yoda and keeps giggling as he points to the crotch of the life sized Darth Vader wall cling.

In comes Dr. Y. If I haven't mentioned already, he rocks. He has his customary medical student with him. Yes, it's okay if she comes in. I know Ben is one of his favorite patients to show off when he has a medical student. He's got loads of good teaching fodder to go over. We play 20 questions for bit. I pass with flying colors. The med student, not so much. We chit chat and then get down to business.

He listens to his chest for an awfully long time. Long enough to make me nervous. I know better than to ask when he's listening but dang is it hard not to.

Pneumonia.

CRAP!

Mega antibiotics, more breathing treatments, call him at home if he gets worse. (See I TOLD you he was awesome.) Ben sits on his lap for awhile and hugs him when we leave.

School hasn't even started yet and it's starting. He's already getting sick. And the seed has been planted in my head. Am I doing the right thing by keeping my teaching job or am I doing the selfish thing? No one put that question on me, it just popped in my head about 2 hours ago. I want to work. I won't lie. I like it and I think it makes me a better mom. But is it hurting Ben? Would he be healthier if I stayed home with him? I really can't know the answers but it's bugging me tonight and I think I've got some soul searching ahead of me.

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