Dear Itchy Throat,

We’ve been together for about a week now and I don’t think this relationship is going anywhere. I don’t know what causing you to stay. I’ve done all sorts of horrible and mean things to you but you don’t get the hint. Advil, BAH! you say. Salt water, BAHAHA, again. I clearly am doing everything in my power to offend you, irritate you, and rid myself of you.

So please, I beg you. Pack your bags and move out. We are not meant for each other. It’s time to move on to some other unsuspecting, sleep deprived person.


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