remembering dad

I've been struggling with this post since last night. The things I've wanted to say have been running through my mind almost constantly and catching me off guard at the most awkward moments, a few even causing me to break down in tears. I'm not one to dwell on the past or what is unchangeable but there are some things that can't be denied and the absence of my dad is one of them. It's been almost a surreal day. One moment I'm drowning in memories and the next, well, the next I could be cracking up at Ben's orneriness or Evey's crazy antics.

After thinking it over for quite some time I decided that I just wanted to share some memories of my Dad.

I remember:

  • endless games of catch in the front yard…some completed under great amounts of duress on my part
  • how you insisted I would not throw like a girl
  • how you were always up for flips or wrestling in the front yard
  • picking more green beans then should ever be necessary at Roger's farm, it's a miracle I can still eat them
  • how you had such a huge heart
  • how your love always had no bound or conditions
  • how proud you always were of me
  • how hard you worked
  • that old busted white Ford truck with the blue hood that had safety glass chunks in the crack of the seat and in the floor board
  • the old red VW Rabbit you loved so much
  • endless piles of Pepsi uniforms that smelled like transmission fluid
  • how there wasn't anything you couldn't do yourself
  • how you used to argue with me and how hard I used to argue back and how you never held it against me
  • how you never met a stranger
  • how convicted you were that every kid, no matter how rough a life they had been dealt, deserved a chance at a better one though God
  • how much you loved Ben and Evey
  • that you were always so afraid you might break them when they were tiny babies
  • how cute it was that you tried to hide how sad it made you that Evey was afraid of your big booming deep voice
  • how Evey loved to go on your famous walks collecting twigs, leaves and rocks along the way
  • how you never questioned the outcome when Ben made his terrifying debut into the world
  • how you taught me to love books and the magical worlds they can create
  • how much I loved you though I never could bring myself to say it enough

I could fill enough lines for 1,000 posts and still not have everything written down. I miss you Dad, more than you'll ever know.

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